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jusr cos u know what you need to do, doesnt mean yyou can actually do it or choose to do it for that matter.

This story is about betty, veronica.

Betty's all heart. I love her and she loves me even more. problem is she doesn;t challenge my point of view. most puericans would kill for a woman lke that, soeone who's by ur side 24-7 thru sickness and health, even though we're not married. someone docile, listens to you with all the patience in the world. But i am a man who thrives on conflict & who prefers to be challenged at every decision making opportunity and Betty lets me make all the decisions putting so much trust in me that i will only have myself to blame in case sth goes wrong. dont get me wrong there's nothing wrongwith this but i'm just nt sure if i can marry her. i dont strive to be a better man because of her cos she accepts all my flaws, each and every single dirty nasty one that i have.. the oly motivation i get in life is through myself: i push myself, to be someone better but this doesnt happen all the time... Betty is a sure head turner and i feel lucky to have someone that beautful to love and care for me so much. Our conversations only cover (sometimes superficial - the topics not betty- she is a real person not an empty shell) everyday things and I don’t get to delve into stuff like politics and economics with her cos she has no interest in such matters.

The other woman, Veronica, works with me.. she's smart and has a v strong opinion on pretty much evryhing, although her sense of humour is pretty much like mine - lame. i know i shouldnt have but i have somewhat fallen head over heels for V. i crave for her lips the same way Betty craves for mine.. I share deeper conversations with her during our unch breaks than i ever do from years of being with Betty (this is unfair I know but it is blunt honesty). But V, not surprisingly, with her smouldering good looks is a heart breaker, she has never had a serious r/s that has lasted for more than a few mths at a stretch; moving on as soon as she gets bored of the unlucky guy.

Like i said I have doubts on a lifetime of commitment to betty, on the other hand I d ont know if V sees me as anything more than a luch partner. Of course I may end up with neither so I’m fully expecting that outcome as well. Should I choose alife of so-called domestic bliss with no significant intellectual input from my other half or just move on and find someone similar to V? When you love someone it has to be unconditional and Betty definitely has that for me. I love her too but it is in no way unconditional, so would that be sufficient for us to be happy together? Maybe she will but I really don’t know what I’d feel. Somehow our relationship has pushed me from idealism to realism. A complete paradigm shift in the space of a few yrs.

I can’t bear to break Betty’s heart, just because I doubt our r/s every now and then doesn’t mean I care for this lovely woman any less.

I have this strong feeling that I am at the crossroads of my life and my decisions now will determine where I end up years down the road.

Problem is.. where do I really want to be then?

This is going to be one long weekend.